Spark Post from: 20 Days of… WoW Blogging Challenge: by Saga of Spellbound.
Day 11 – Bad habits and flaws
Bad habit that relates to wow: combination keyboard and mouse user – so even though I have all my spells key bound I am in fact mostly a clicker (I think I can blame this in part from healing with healbot, because when I was straight DPS and into PVP clicking was less of a viable method) and even though I turn with the mouse I still move/strafe with the [E][S][D][F] keys. This can make it really cumbersome to heal and run – I am having a lot of trouble at the moment with Ta’yaks wind corridor.
Flaws related to wow: I am tired right now. I used to put so much research and effort into having the best possible gear, raid kit and spec/rotation for raiding. Now at the moment, this exact moment, I can genuinely say that my approach to staying on top of things is very half arsed. As long as I am keeping up and not drawing attention to myself that’s enough for me. Frankly I don’t know what this is it in part an off-shoot of the stress and mental anxiety I suffered from last year? (The doctors have diagnosed me with so many mental health labels I don’t know what to do with them all.) Or is it that I am losing my love for wow? It is after all currently an effort to log in and do things, are my friends right and I am just too much of a people pleaser to take control and leave a guild to its own devices. Sigh. Intellectually I am sure I still love this game as I think about it all the time, I am not however spending enough time inside the game to have the passion I used to. The overthinking of things is probably the obvious flaw.
Bad habits RL side: I drink out of milk cartons, lick the top of the honey bottle when I finish using it and occasionally lick the mayo knife middle of the sandwich making process… then I put it back in the jar. I have it on good authority this is a disgusting habit. I have all the bad habits of a dedicated bachelorette: wet towels on the floor, wet footprints around the house, extended periods of nudity after a shower, drinking alcohol mid-week or even mid-day, eating random cans of corn kernels for dinner in favour over ever actually cooking, eating old pizza for breakfast, mostly just skipping breakfast, never closing doors, potting plants on the kitchen floor and getting potting mix everywhere, not brushing my hair or bothering with makeup most days (hedge witch look for the win), mis-matched underwear, odd socks, every now and then I look down at my feet and think “Oh god my toenails have turned into bona-fide claws!”. Since I acquired flatmates I’ve had to rein a lot of these bad habits in… but they continue to pop out all the time.
RL flaws: I have trust issues. On some level, usually when viewing humanity as a mob and not as the individual people and at my worst, I think that the world is full of violent, competitive, ego-centric, lying, manipulative users who are only capable of viewing me as potential meat. Everything is predators and prey in my world and if I cannot fake a portion of predator I’m sure in my heart-of-hearts that I’ll be eaten alive, however because I also have esteem issues I cannot see myself as a ‘large predator’ and morally I couldn’t be one anyway. So I have small predator syndrome – if you want to know what I mean by that you’ll see it in cats. I am aware of the kill or be kill playing field; as such I am a bit of an opportunist and a bit manipulative of situations however I am also aware that it goes both ways – so I am one hyper-vigilant cynical jumpy ball of bad expectations.
Weirdly enough this all comes out expressed as Pinky Pie according to close friends:
Life is weird.