I have a real life activity group that has the grumps at me currently for not turning up consistently (and honestly the month prior was December and all of the bloody Christmas parties, including work ones, well they are almost always all scheduled on a Friday so yes attendance has been less than ideal.)
But do you know I just had an insight! It’s just occurred to me that these peeps have gotten my Real Life before games motto mixed up. Well in part – as work events, even the social ones, still trump everything other than emergencies like my cat needing to go to the vets. I guess priority wise I am: cat (he is a responsibility – way I see it pets are complete dependants, if I had kids they would trump the cat) > family > work > friends > online > me.
Honestly I should hold myself as a higher priority but at least I scrap in ahead of acquaintances and complete strangers. Unless its bills … bills are sort of like work – higher priority than my medicine or food etc.
Do you know what the original raid times for my guild were at that point in time? The guild I’ve been with for 2 years or more? Well it was wed/fri/sun. When I rolled in with this group for DnD and they happened to meet on Fridays, I gave my notice to our GL for the Friday raid, stating that I now unavoidably had RL commitments on that day. I was honest about it being DnD, I was honest that my attempts to have the RL group change the day had failed and that I was giving them priority over my guild – who honestly also happen to be real people, I get that /sigh but not they are not local relationships, so they didn’t get the time priority.
Apologise apologise apologise. But do it in a way where you don’t debase yourself. Feel weary. Find the social balance so you can contribute where it is demanded by all your important people and still get something for yourself, soothe any unhappiness using diplomacy. Get back to life. That’s how the story goes isn’t it?
My other real life friends also had to work around this time commitment, they learnt not to invite me to the Friday fun-things (which is a bit sad), and the weekly friday work related pub drinks is now dead in the water because it’s hard to get the energy to help organise it (I’m a ‘makes things happen’ person… things happen when I get it together because I make them happen, but when I don’t the things sometimes just stop happening for the whole group that was participating), anyway harder to organise it when it just caused me to be late and irritate this Friday DnD group. Easier to drop it, particularly over the last year where I was a worn out head-case anyway.
I still made it to this DnD thing as often as I could.
And because my GL is a sweetheart these days the whole guild raids wed/sun/mon so I can attend (mostly because the suckers need me for consistency and healing so I take that with salt – no big head for Bytes the blabby).
But things have gotten uncomfortable with this Friday DnD group recently (there are hints of resentment in the air and even though I know I am hyper-vigilant and too sensitive to slight changes to my environment I was damn sure this is not imagined.) Of course now I have evidence out of the horse’s mouth so-to-say, lol even when it’s not pleasant it’s nice to know you have the situation sussed out right eh. It turns out the culprit is my motto “RL over games people RL over games”.
The DM (dungeon master lol) has taken this personally. Looking at him from the outside I would say he is not in a good head space and that it’s not really about me. But apparently the consensus is I am not committed enough for this group and have been flipping them off because they are a game for other things in my life. I’ll have to go be all articulate at them in the hopes that I can convey the sheer amount of social events I sacrifice at the altar of keeping this weekly appointment. Despite the fact I am usually more than willing to be viewed as a flake or whatever – these are important friends and it would be a shame to let it end on that sour note.
And it will end. (1) They have new people they want to phase into the party, which is fair enough and (2) I am not at all comfortable hanging out anywhere with peeps that are giving off distinct wiffs of “You are not fulfilling our expectations in a positive manner”. I hate dealing with expectation and entitlement. The commitment was difficult enough – As it is it’ll take me weeks to recover the desire to approach them on their own turf /sigh. Messy head of distrust issues that I am.
Still I am confident I can rope the actual individual people from the group into socializing with me outside of the weekly DnD thingy – and its true, some of the negative concerns that have been shot at me – I have never been ‘passionate’ about RP or DnD. I enjoy it well enough like most things in life, but mostly for the character creation aspects and character development aspects than for the actual RP part which I suck at. For example I really liked being given NPCs to interpret and kick start the show for the rest of the crew or I liked writing short stories about a character – not so much the play by play parts of the games.
I guess the days of having to shaft my raid team/social life for a hobby group are finally over O-o I dunno I guess I should be rejoicing… but mostly I feel a little sad and misunderstood.
Meh, I’ll get over it.
I think my first ‘to do’ of freedom will have to be to plan a party with a piñata, mexican food and on-the-house rocket fuel.