I have been doing some subbing in as raid tank for my guild. So far only for normal DS 10man runs, but as ever I take such things too seriously and plug lots of research and thought into the processes… harass the main tanks in the guild into looking me over by sending them comparison reports etc. Anyhow one of my first runs (and I admit a late night cake and coffee nom) lead to the following crazy dream:
In my dream our Old Bear-butt guild tank said in passing “Young bear what you need to do, to be a good tank, is to eat Spirit Apples” and then he ambled off into the mountains.
And Bytes-the-druid yelled after him “Spirit Apples? Okay! Sure thing! I am totally on that. Mr-Old-Bear-Tank you are fantastic!” and she went out into the forest and collected a metric ton of spirit apples… which ironically enough seemed to be pretty similar to the prickly pears Azeroth’s Orcs collect off of cactus plants… so that in itself was a bit of an endeavor.
So anyway in the end Bytes-the-druid went overboard like usual and had so many prickly spirit apple things she had to cut a deal with a couple of Draenei setting up house in a cave over the way. She could keep her barrels of apples in their study in return for fending off the stinky ogres that wanted the cave back while the couple had a lot of *cough* happy fun times which seemed to involve some lucky sod (coughfellow-officercoughSo-spolit!cough) getting a lot of cooked meals and back washes etc.
After every ogre incursion Bytes-the-druid would stuff her face with prickly apples and weep with joy about the idea that this would give her at least heaps of stamina and the health regeneration of a wizened monk. She would fantasize about exactly how much stamina the apples where endowing +30stam … +60stam heck maybe even a whopping +400stam! And about how all the spirit from the Spirit apples could probably cure baldness and even help her grow legs back if the ogres pulled them off, the regen effects were that good!
This went on for some time. There was lots of feral charging, rage building and damage reduction cool-down popping as opportunistic Ogres would come by the cave and make the “you’ve got agro” noise and Bytes-the-druid would kick butt… the Draenei couple totally had time to raise a couple of children.
In the end Bytes-the-druid couldn’t remember if her place on the front lines in the ogre war was to protect her friends or hum… the cave… which she fancied moving into when the two Draenei had bustled all the kids out…there were a lot of kids by the way, the happy fun times had been productive happy fun times!
And she was kinda a bit of an apple-holic, what with each Ogre incident ending with Bytes-the-druid gorging on Spirit apples.
If you can imagine it: just think of this bloated fat bear on its back, which is in actuality very very full, but which is still trying to eat apples – then you have the image where the dream ended.
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Yeah pure … RL-Bytes woke up in a sweat at 4am that morning exclaiming “No more apples I never want to see another apple in my life.” …and then she made tea, and typed this story, and drew a picture as a sort of therapy, and posted it to the guild forums, and subsequently has a number of amused guildies, some of whom have enjoyed mailing her Dalaran Apple Bowls.
